H5B - P2 - Week 6 - Lesson 1 - Essay Feedback

• Engels
• Middelbare school
• havo
• Leerjaar 5

H5 - P2 - Week 6 - Lesson 1

Learning Goals

You will...

- Learn from your writing mistakes

Essay Feedback

- What do you see? 

- Things that I noticed

- Good examples

- Correct the thesis statements

- Receive feedback on your own essay

- Grading system

What do you see?

But first of al, why is fat so harmful for our bodies? Fat contains lots of cholesterol. Whenever you consume too much fat, your cholesterol levels will rise. Which eventually results in your veins clogging up.

The first solution to fight obesity is to reduce the amount of McDonald’s and other fastfood chains A lot of children and teens love to pay a visit to the McDonalds. The food quality is extremely poor and it makes people fat. The economy may be relying on chains like these, but in my opinion, health is more important than money.

What do you see?

In conclusion, we need a Fat Tax so we can pay for al medical expenses and we can use our money well. It also will help for way more people who will decide to eat healthy, witch has a positive influence.

Sometimes you hear something that happens on Mars. A rocket has landed, or things are being tested at Mars. But is this useful or are we just wasting our time? This makes me wonder if travelling to mars is a waste?

Good thesis examples

Fat tax is an effective measure to combat obesity and improve public health.

Fat tax should be introduced in every country.

The Fat Tax should be introduced. 

Correct the thesis statement:
That’s why I think that the British Kingdom should introduce fat tax.

Correct the thesis statement:
But is this a good solution to prevent obesity?

Correct the thesis statement:
Is it fair to complain about the problems of the big amounts of people who do not have enough money and be happy with the missions to Mars? I do not think so! These two cannot go together!

Learning Goals

You ...

- learned from your writing mistakes

Bye!