Mentor lesson - Boundaries in friendships & relationships

• Nederlands
• Middelbare school
• vwo
• Leerjaar 1

Welcome! 

Boundaries

• Today's topic is all about boundaries in friendships and relationships. 
• By the end of this lesson, you will have a better understanding on what boundaries are. 
• Next to that,  we hope you'll get to think about your own boundaries, and those of your friends.

How would you define a boundary?

Why boundaries are important

• Creating a healthy sense of identity and self-awareness
• Respecting boundaries leads to more healthy relationships overall. 

Classroom activity

• Your personal bubble or boundary is an “invisible barrier”between yourself and others. 
• It marks the limits where others are not welcomeand you are uncomfortable with. It’s healthy to know where your limits start and stop

Classroom activity

Stand with a partner at arm’s length while facing each other. Gradually take one step towards each other until it feels too close for comfort. When your partner enters your personal bubble, place your hand out in front of you and say, “Stop.”

>>> We do this twice  

How was this activity for you? Describe in one word.

How did you communicate your boundary? Is this how you would do this in real life?

Verbal & non-verbal cues

• Crossing a boundary can lead to different reactions:

1. Verbal: telling, yelling, texting, gossiping
2. Non-verbal: ignoring, walking away, being grumpy, pushing, crying

2 steps to healthy boundaries

1. Declare​ “Here is what I can do...”
   a. I can help you for 15 minutes during my prep.
   b. I can validate your feelings at this moment.
   c. I can go on a run with you at 4:30 after school. 

2 steps to healthy boundaries

2. Declare ​“Here is what I can’t do...”
a. I cannot help you during my entire prep. I will set a timer to make sure this happens.
b. I cannot tell you what to do or agree with you since I am not in your shoes. If you ask me to, I will politely leave the room.
c.I cannot wait around for you if you are late. I will run by myself if you are not there.

Respecting boundaries

• Setting boundaries is important, but respecting boundaries is just as (or even more) important!
• But... how do you know that you are (about to) cross a boundary of someone else? 
• What tips are useful when thinking about respecting boundaries? (think of the video)

Sharing our stories

Did you ever experience a boundary crossing situation?  Or did you ever hear about a situation that comes to mind right now?

Exercise: analyzing different scenarios

1. Divide your paper into 3 sections, 1 for each scenario.

2. Determine the following (write answers on poster): 

• How are the 2-people feeling?

• What verbal/non-verbal cues could be given to set boundaries in the scenario? 

• What verbal/ non-verbal cues could be given to respect the boundary that is set?

3. For scenario 3, you and your group will try to provide advice to your friend. Write down

your answers.

To take home

Sometimes boundaries are hard to identify. If that is the case, remember that it is ok to ask and clarify. All of you deserve to be safe and comfortable in a relationship.