5V Of Course! Feedback on essay writing

• Engels
• Middelbare school
• vwo
• Leerjaar 5

ENGLISH FOR 5 HAVO

Error analysis

*Variation in vocabulary     

*Variation in sentence structure       

*Use of linking words

*Commas

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Variation in vocabulary

Some people think it is unfair that people with important jobs, like teachers and doctors get paid less than some people with less important ones, like company bosses and actors do. They state that people with important jobs are often underpaid and undervalued. Is this true or os this just complete nonsense?

Variation in vocabulary

A lack of dedication in particular can cause bad behaviour. Futhermore, there are students who are at the right level but in the wrong class. The other pupils can distract them, or they simply don't fit in. This can also cause bad grades and bad behaviour.

Variation in sentence structure

Last but not least we have the customers. They may not be able to change the amount of packaging. They could nevertheless pay attention to the products they buy and take part in collection campaigns such as the one mentioned in the previous paragraph. They are as much a part of this operation as the manufacturers and supermarkets.

Variation in sentence structure

As much as we hate to admit it, though, Mrs 'Tut-tut' does make a valid point. From the turn of the century, school children have begun to spiral out of control; what with their elaborate pranks, terrible attendance rates, bratty behaviour - it's almost as if the world has been saddled with a global parenting crises. Sanction as we like, nothing seems to tame their restless spirits.

Linking words

A film buff might find actors more important than someone who never watches a movie. Nonetheless, there are probably methods of computing the relative importance of a job. In general, people find employees in the medical sector to be crucial. However, it's possible that the average person might overlook other aspects, such as the significance of infrastructure.

Commas

The first problem, is how to spend one's time.

The prices of the products will increase, because the manufacturers want to keep making a profit.

Teachers for example are criminally underpaid.

Commas

Unfortunately people hardly ever pay attention.

Although there is a widespread consensus among scientists on climate change there are still some people who remain unconvinced.

Other measures should be taken, more people should take part.