H5A - P2 - Week 5 - Lesson 3 - Essay Feedback

• Engels
• Middelbare school
• havo
• Leerjaar 5

H5 - P2 - Week 5 - Lesson 3

Learning Goals

You will...

- Learn from your writing mistakes

- Practise your listening skills

Essay Feedback

- What do you see? 

- Things that I noticed

- Good examples

- Correct the thesis statements

- Receive feedback on your own essay

- Grading system

What do you see?

To summarize, I think that they first have to make the healthy food cheaper, so more people can afford it. And if they have done this, than is it very good if they introduce the fat fax rule. 

The input of fat tax is aimed to prevent obesity in Great Britain. Fat tax is meant to raise the price of fatty products, which will discourage people from eating fatty product. For example: fish and chips or hamburgers

The reason why this is important is because, it will become more and more difficult for humans to survive on earth. For example, most of us do not realise we are increasing climate change when we use the care too often. Therefore, it is important to know we have other planets where we can live in order for the human race to survive.  

What do you see?

In conclusion, in my opinion is fat tax not good. It has all kinds of disadvantages. For the poor people it is an disadvantage, and why can other people decide for other people what they have to eat. So Fat tax is in my opinion a bad idea.

Thirdly, we spend so much money on spaceships, but most of them explode. It is not smart to spend so much money on it if they are going to explode. We could better spend the money on something else. Otherwise, if we don’t spend so much money on spaceships, the quality and safety wouldn’t as good as it is know. If you need a cheaper one it wouldn’t be that save.

What do you see?

In conclusion, a fat tax should be implemented because unhealthy products will become pricier and people will eat more healthily, so less people will end up in hospital. Moreover, the taxes can be invested in improving healthcare. It costs the government too much money to make healthy products cheaper, so the fat tax is the best solution for a healthier society. 

However, when companies that sell unhealthy foods start using Fat Tax, that also means that they will earn more money when people buy something from them. So if everyone just continues to buy and eat food with Fat Tax, unhealthy companies will become richer and richer, which means they can grow and they have the opportunity to sell even more unhealthy foods.

First of all, eating less fat food will not reduce obesity. Besides eating healthy, to lose weight exercise is also a requirement. The government should stimulate people to do both of those things if they want to solve the obesity problem.

Good thesis examples

It would be better to use that money to solve problems on earth. 

The Fat-Tax alone will not solve obesity problems.

A fat tax discourages people from buying unhealthy food, which is good for a lot of things. 

Correct the thesis statement:
But is it even possible and are we not spending a lot of money on something useless?
(Topic: Mars missions)

Correct the thesis statement:
So are these space missions really worth all that money?

Correct the thesis statement:
Is it necessary to spend so much money on spaceship programs? I think so.

Learning Goals

You ...

- learned from your writing mistakes

- practised your listening skills

Bye!