FCE Test Week 1: Essay Feedback

• English
• Middelbare school
• vwo
• Leerjaar 2

What do you think this could be?

The eye of a fly : )

Today

• Essay Feedback - Toppers!
• What could have been better! - How to improve your grade for the real FCE 
• Re write the introduction and the conclusion

Read your Feedback

Things that were mainly done well:

Content was relevant: Although some of you didn't mention the government spending to protect animals in either the introduction and especially in the conclusion!

Good Layout

Good use of discourse markers: Firstly, Secondly, Finally

Good use of topic sentences to introduce your paragraphs (no one mistakenly used sub-headings or letter conventions)

Tip: 

Always, always, always,

write a plan.

common spelling errors

alot = a lot (actually, rather too informal, try and use many, numerous, several)

Wich =  which

dieing = dying

realy = really

endangerd = endangered

Common error: go/goes extinct  > becomes extinct 

Remember to use good topic sentences to introduce your ideas/paragraphs.....

To start off with, I'm going to talk about bad things about not looking after animals and insects.

Firstly, some reasons to ensure that animals are protected are ............

I am going to write my essay on animals in danger. i have quite some ideas and want to tell them here.

It is very important for us to spend time, money and energy on the protection of animals as .....

Correct use of common linking words

and

So next time you think it might be good not to spend tax payers money on preserving animals, think about all the advantages  and, the great benefit animals provide us with. Remember DON'T use a comma with and ....

So next time you think it might be good not to spend tax payers money on preserving animals, think about all the advantages and the great benefit animals provide us with.

No comma here

Correct use of common linking words

but

There is no doubt that protecting endangered animals is very costly. But are they worth it? 

There is no doubt that protecting endangered animals is very costly, but are they worth it? 

use "but" to join two ideas together by placing a comma before "but."

common error: a weak conclusion

Your last paragraph needs to be a conclusion. 

• Always sum up what has already been said in your main paragraph.
• Never introduce a new topic.
• Start the paragraph with:To conclude, .... / To sum up, .... / In conclusion, ...../ All in all, ......
• Try to link the last sentence in your conclusion back to something you have said in your introduction.   
• REMEMBER TO SAY WHETHER YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.

Another common error: Too informal 

Try not to use too many shortened forms.

Do not use too many personal pronouns (I, she, he, it, you)

Use correct vocabulary for a semi-formal essay - 

a lot /many, numerous

gotta / got to

gonna / going to

Remember: a catchy title

Government spending on animal protection: good or bad?

Endangered species, do they deserve our money?

Last but not least..... (not essential, but helps the reader know what your essay is about!

Final tip....

Use the writing file in the back to Gold Experience, it is really helpful for the layout, tips and especially "Useful Language" for the essay task. 

MORE PRACTICE......

WHY PRACTICE FOR THE ESSAY?

The essay (Part one) counts as the same number of points as the writing task in Part two but it is a mandatory task so we know that there is definitely going to be an essay in the writing exam. It is a sure way of getting good points if you have had lots of essay practice and looked at frequent topics that come up. 

www.examenglish.com

Today's lesson!

Re write the introduction and the conclusion

www.google.com

Paraphrase:

Your introduction should always put the topic in the context of today's world and paraphrase the question of the essay. It is probably not a good idea to include your opinion here as the reader then knows what you think and they may feel they don't need to continue reading!

Try to rewrite your introduction!

Justin's suggestion!

" Nowadays, many animal species are very endangered. There is no denying that animals are of prime importance to our society but how much do governments need to spend on protecting them. Would this money be better spent on improving the lives of humans rather than the animal population" 

Homework

Rewrite your conclusion!

Sum up your points - very briefly and answer the question....Did you agree/disagree