Ranger's Apprentice Feedback

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Slide 1: Diapositive
EnglishMiddelbare schoolhavo, vwoLeerjaar 2

Cette leçon contient 33 diapositives, avec quiz interactifs et diapositives de texte.

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Essay feedback
Most common issues 

Analysis
Organization
Language

Slide 1 - Diapositive

A lot of writing that I liked
  • Creatively chosen heroes
  • Beautiful accompanying art
  • Very detailed comparisons to Will
  • Some really good writing structures 

Slide 2 - Diapositive

Analysis
  • Stick to the PEE-method. Premise-evidence-elaboration. So start body paragraph with topic sentence, use quote or detailed evidence and explain its correspondence to your thesis. 
  • This was an essay about the Ranger's Apprentice, and some of you barely wrote about Will! You needed to show your understanding of the novel, and prove your comparison in the second paragraph! 

Slide 3 - Diapositive

What is good about the following excerpt from one of your papers: 

Elsa is a great example of an unlikely hero, because she and Will share many similar characteristics. Will is very curious, because he asks his battlemaster/ teacher Halt about everything. Like on Morgarath's defeat: "Remember you told me how a Ranger was responsible for Morgarath's defeat?" 'Mmmm', Halt grunted. "Well, I was just wondering, what was the Ranger's name?" Will asked. 'Names aren't important.' Halt said. Will wants to know everything because he is very curious.

Slide 4 - Diapositive

What was good about this?

Slide 5 - Carte mentale

Analysis
This student provided close-read, in depth evidence for her claim.

Slide 6 - Diapositive

Layout and Organization
Why is this a good title? 

Slide 7 - Diapositive

Rangers of Hogwarts

Slide 8 - Question ouverte

Longe Range

Slide 9 - Question ouverte

Layout and Organization
Read the following excerpt from one of your papers: 

When I am talking about growth, I am also talking about their growth in relationships. If I look at friendship (Will's perspective) I know that he made (up) with one guy. That is Horace. Just a quote from the book: “Horace, we may have fought in the past,” he said. “But I don’t hate you. I never hated you.” “If you ever need a friend, if ever you need help, you can call on me.” (page 161).

Slide 10 - Diapositive

What is good about this excerpt?

Slide 11 - Question ouverte

Layout and Organization
Read the following excerpt from one of your papers: 

When I am talking about growth, I am also talking about their growth in relationships. If I look at friendship (Will's perspective) I know that he made (up) with one guy. That is Horace. Just a quote from the book: “Horace, we may have fought in the past,” he said. “But I don’t hate you. I never hated you.” “If you ever need a friend, if ever you need help, you can call on me.” (page 161).

Slide 12 - Diapositive

What could be improved?

Slide 13 - Question ouverte

Layout and Organization
  • Avoid "floating quotations." Instead, always introduce and integrate the source that you use.
  • In addition, cite your source in brackets 
Holland said that “you couldn’t hit me hard enough to stop me from doing it” (Jones).  



Slide 14 - Diapositive

Layout and Organization
Read the following excerpts,  one about Tom Holland (the actor who plays Spider-Man and one about Hagrid from Harry Potter: 

Holland said that “you couldn’t hit me hard enough to stop me from doing it” (Jones). 

But then his rescue came. On his eleventh birthday, a man named Hagrid stormed in
and said, "You're a wizard Harry."




Slide 15 - Diapositive

Layout and Organization
Tip: use "justify text" alignment 

Slide 16 - Diapositive

Language
What could be improved in the following excerpt: 

Even though Miles is Spider-Man he still is an unlikely hero, Miles was bitten by a spider when he was spray painting on the subway with his uncle Miles had to switch schools because his father wanted him to Miles did not want to switch school because he had all his friends in his old school.

Slide 17 - Diapositive

Language
Rewrite the following excerpt: 

One of the main reasons they won was because of Katniss her bow and arrow skills which leads us the one thing they really have in common, they are both really good with the bow/long distance weapons

Slide 18 - Diapositive

Language
My unlikely hero is Taylor Swift and I am going to tell you some information about her, I picked her as my unlikely hero because I really like her songs and also just her in different context.

Slide 19 - Diapositive

Language
The most common language issue was "run-on sentences." 


Slide 20 - Diapositive

Language
What could be improved in the following excerpt: 

Unfortunately on June 2017, the stepfather of harry robin died because of cancer.

Slide 21 - Diapositive

Rewrite: Unfortunately on June 2017, the stepfather of harry robin died because of cancer.

Slide 22 - Question ouverte

Language
Possessives:
This is the car of my friend
this is the house of my friends

This is my friend's car
This is my friends' house 

Slide 23 - Diapositive

Language
What could be improved in the following excerpt: 

 "It’s also a great technique to get at the other
side of the field very fast."


Slide 24 - Diapositive

Rewrite: It’s also a great technique to get at the other side of the field very fast.

Slide 25 - Question ouverte

Language
Adjective/adverb: 

 "It’s also a great technique to get at the other
side of the field very fast."


Slide 26 - Diapositive

Language
What could be improved in the following excerpt: 

Eva de Goede became two years in row the best hockey player in the world and played in three Olympics.

Slide 27 - Diapositive

Rewrite: Eva de Goede became two years in row the best hockey player in the world and played in three Olympics.

Slide 28 - Question ouverte

Language
Eva de Goede became two years in row the best hockey player in the world and played in three Olympics.

Word order: 
SVO-place-time
Eva de Goede became the best hockey player two years in a row, and she played in three Olympics. 

Slide 29 - Diapositive

Language
What could be improved in the following excerpt: 

Tom Holland has shown that he is better than the bullies thought. Tom Holland was a little boy when he went to school (Donhead Preparatory School in the south- west of londen) .He used to dance (ballet) as a sport, while most people played football or lacross at the time, but he liked dancing the most. Tom Holland told Jess Cagle (in an interview) that he had was bullied about dancing and stuff.


Slide 30 - Diapositive

What could be improved?

Slide 31 - Carte mentale

Language
Brackets: don't use brackets to include information you could include in the actual text. 


Slide 32 - Diapositive

Rewrite?
If your grade is lower than 12 in total, you are allowed to re-write your paper. Communicate to me when you hand it in again, and ask me questions anytime! 

Slide 33 - Diapositive