Written IO feedback and feedforward

• Engels
• Further Education (Key Stage 5)

Lesson objectives 

IO feedback and feedforward 

How to format titles 

You will answer some questions about your essay and  rewrite some sentences 

The expectations for your paragraph construction 

Gallery walk for our next novel 

E-reader 

Thursday 2nd November 

Charged e-reader 

The Things they Carried 

downloaded prior to coming to lesson

The librarian will download a memoir onto your e-reader next week

* R emember to capitalise any important words including the first and last word.	Handwritten	Typed
Big things book/novel play film title Work of art TV series Magazine Newspaper CD/Album	Underline Example Macbeth by William Shakespeare	Italics Example Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Small things short story novel/book chapter Essay poem Newspaper/magazine article Photograph Song TV episode	"Quotation marks" Example "Does Magnesium Help you Sleep"	"Quotation marks" Example "Does Magnesium Help you Sleep"

The name of the extract is stated

The author or originating source is given

The text type is clearly identified without elaboration

where the text appeared is stated

When it was produced is stated

The content is discussed: what does the text actually say (briefly)

The intended audience/reader is stated (if definable) 

The purpose(s) is stated

The social, cultural and temporal context is addressed (if available)

The thesis: what you find most important about the text. This is your main insightful idea.(without elaboration)

The supporting sub-insightful ideas that support your main thesis

Introduction

Name extract	Macbeth & untitled photograph
Author	William Shakespeare & Lauren Greenfield
Text type	Play & photograph
Where appeared
Production date	1606 & 2010
Content	'An ambitious Scottish Thane is enticed, through equivocal prophesies from three witches, to become a tyrannical leader and, through excessive hubris, constructs his own downfall.' 'Selena Gomez, a 17 year-old actress and singer, is shown during the photo shoot, in West Hollywood, for her album cover.'

Purpose(s)	Entertain, persuade, (inform)
Social, cultural, temporal context	USA in 21st C, successful entertainer, social media profile, 17th C UK, James 1st, patronage,
Global issue	Both authors have skilfully highlighted the negative impact on members of society of presenting an untrue or false image. (appearance versus reality)
Sub-topics	false presentation in media affecting young girls. The effect on Lady Macbeth of covering up and assisting her husband in his murderous tyranny.
Techniques	framing, colour, props, focus/focal point, composition, posture, cropping, rule of three, contrast, visual narrative, camera angle, gaze, vantage point, colour value, negative space, depth of field, foreground, background Punctuation, prose, repetition, imagery, dramatic irony, ambiguity (equivocation), rhetorical question, hyperbole, juxtaposition/contrast, personification.

Your body paragraph contains 

An insightful idea

Key language from your guiding question

textual references/ quotes

stylistic features

the author/audience relationship (effect on the reader)

transition words

evaluative language 

All these features appear several times and not in a specific order. 

Lauren Greenfield highlights, in this photograph, the discrepancy between what the public are shown in images and what the reality is of the construction of those images. This photograph is a long, wide shot in which the viewer can not only see what the final image will be, but also the way in which that image is constructed. This allows the viewer to question the veracity of the images that they see on social media or on album covers. The power of three is employed to balance the composition and draw the eye towards the three subjects. The focal point is Gomez, a 17-year-old singer and actress, who is placed centrally in the frame. Her yellow dress, contrasting with the pale blue background, provokes connotations to innocence and happiness. Moreover, these connotations are supported by the phony clouds in the foreground and background. Significantly, Gomez’s triumphant posture and gaze towards a fictional future encourage the viewers to aspire to an unattainable lifestyle. An imaginary, deceptive world is created, and Greenfield underscores the negativity of this fraudulent world by framing Gomez between two dark figures who are helping to construct this equivocal image. The contrast between the two stage support staff in saturated black and Gomez in virtuous, pale colours serves to further emphasise the fictitious nature of mainstream media images. 

What are the 'signature moves' of this text? 

Evaluative language. Adjectives/adverbs indicating evaluation 

effective(ly)	Intentional(ly)
clever(ly)	Clear(ly)
Powerful(ly)	conscious(ly)
Wise(ly)	successful(ly)
Subtle(ly)	skilful(ly)
Surreptitious(ly)	dramatical(ly)

to argue

to explain 

to evaluate 

to instruct 

to inform 

to analyse 

 to explain

to entertain

to describe

 to recount

to persuade 

Sentence re-write 

The theme of Lady Macbeth's nightmares (the consequence of the false narratives) is also a recurring theme, as Macbeth had nightmares and visions after killing Duncan and Banquo as well. 

Remove the brackets in your re-write. 

Divide into two sentences or a complex sentence, which is a sentence with an independent and a dependent clause. Add a link to the narrowed down global issue. 

Your re-write

Sentence re-write 

The yellow dress contrasts with the background make her the focus point of the image, later noticing the remaining two subjects. 

Divide this sentence into a complex sentence (one dependent and one independent clause). Use a subordinating conjunction, for example: 

although, even though, while, since, whether

Your re-write

Sentence re-write 

Besides, the extent of her crimes is further emphasised in the statement "...all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand," it depicts that Lady Macbeth knows that she will not be able to climb out of this dark stage in her life knowing she has contributed to killing, Duncan, this foreshadows her eventual suicide later in the play.

Divide this sentence into two or three sentences and link it to the narrowed down global issue. Add: Furthermore, unless and although. 

Your re-write

General statement 

Specific statement(s)

Thesis statement

Thesis statement 

Specific statement(s)

General statement

INTRODUCTION

CONCLUSION

Rephrase your thesis statement

Rephrase your thesis statement. Avoid repeating your thesis statement as it appears in your introduction. Change the language and word choice in the original thesis statement so that it reflects the analysis that you have shown in your literary essay.

Another option is to revise your thesis statement to be more clear, making  edits to it. Go back to your introduction and read your thesis statement again. Then, keep your thesis statement in mind as you read over your body paragraphs. Consider whether your thesis statement still feels relevant to your essay, or if it could be revised. 

Rephrase but do not repeat

Start with your revised/ rephrased thesis statement. The middle section of your conclusion should be three to five sentences long. It should broaden the scope of your essay. 

• Important themes or ideas 
• summarize your most important findings 
• No new information in your conclusion 

Answer the question 'so what?'

Think about why someone would care about what you are addressing in your essay and why the focus of your essay is important. Answering the question “so what?” can help you generate interesting things to finish your essay within the conclusion. Possible final sentences: 

• Finish with a powerful image or detail from the text
• End with a simple sentence straightforward sentence
• Set your findings in a larger context