Christmas Advertisements 2023, ranking of ...

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Ranking the 2023

Christmas Adverts

Read the following reviews about Christmas advertisements and decide whether it is a positive 

or negative review. 

John Lewis:
As usual, John Lewis was the last of the big retailers to launch its Christmas advert for 2023 (aside from Tesco, who knows what's going on there). While many were expecting the suspect tear-jerker, and there were moments of cuteness, THE Christmas advert of the year is looking a little different this time around. Firstly the protagonist - which looks like something out of a David Cronenberg flick - is an emotionally fragile plant. The Mise-en-scène is, at first, classic cinema, and the soundtrack is an Italian rock opera sung by Andrea Bocelli.

At its most chaotic, the plant attempts to devour the dog and decimate the decorations, and that's before it reaches its final form as a fully-fledged national threat to security. When the parents banish it to the garden, it paws at the window and watches the family like Hannibal Lecter. In the end, the family decide to give the unusual household guest all their presents. I'm guessing out of fear. Keep your friends close but your dog-eating plants closer. The plant eats and vomits the presents all over the family, magically regurgitating opened gifts left, right and centre.

Overall, It's enough to convince me that Christmas is here.

The tone of this review is mainly

POSITIVE

NEGATIVE

Watch the commercial and fill in the table to decide the overall ranking of the Christmas adverts

Argos

Apparently, clear and obvious marketing doesn't ooze 'Christmas spirit' (the irony is lost on no one), therefore a bulk of the Christmas adverts we see barely feature products from the associated brand. This year, Argos said to hell with that and delivered a fabulous 30 seconds of pure product placement.

It's such a blatant rip-up of the Christmas advert rule book, and the song Argos chose to include in its one-and-only festive commercial? 'La Freak' - written about a New York disco nightclub. However, all that scores points in my book. What doesn't is the eerie doll named Connie, whose eyes genuinely remind me of Annabelle at points. At least the sassy dinosaur's cute.

The tone of this review is mainly

POSITIVE

NEGATIVE

Asda

Asda is making a real name for itself when it comes to dusting off the most agreeable Christmas icons and chucking them in an advert. Sorry, I should say defrosting and carefully placing to thaw at room temperature. If Buddy-the-elf wasn't enough last year, they've brought in the big guns to turn all gooey-eyed mums into mush. It's Michael Bublé, everybody.

Who the hell is Santa Claus? Kris Kringle? Saint Nicholas? No clue, I've never met him. I do know who the real Father Christmas is though and apparently, he's been seconded to Asda for an executive role in taste testing. The 90-second Christmas TV ad, which has been bizarrely shot by Oscar-winning filmmaker Taika Waititi, sees Bublé assume the role of Chief Quality Officer in which he goes around the warehouse giving his approval on festive snacks soon to be seen on the shelves.

Aside from Bublé, there's not much going on. There's a strong plot at play and the advert is definitely charming and festive enough. I'd say it's spectacularly fine. Ending the advert, Bublé sings a melodic line to the camera, alongside a bunch of colleagues who look scared to blink.

The tone of this review is mainly

POSITIVE

NEGATIVE

Sainsbury

Sainsbury's, once responsible for a daring four-minute festive advert about the 1914 Christmas truce, has released its Christmas advert for 2023 featuring 'memed' 80s pop star Rick Astley. Set in a Sainsbury’s store a curious girl steps up to the tannoy to ask the store what Santa eats for his Christmas dinner. The customers are initially shocked, anticipating that she could have asked a controversial question, like - why is the waiter called a waiter when it's the customer who waits for the waiter most of the time?

Her question sparks a flurry of responses from Sainsbury’s colleagues while they’re working in stores and delivering shopping to customers’ doors. And then, out of nowhere, Rick Astley is undeservedly scorned by a colleague for wanting cheese before dessert. While not as impactful or as comedic as its previous adverts, Sainsbury's Christmas spot won't feel out of place on TV this festive season. It's tolerable but uninteresting. Maybe the best part, is that the UK supermarket has managed to rick-roll an entire nation at its lowest.

The tone of this review is mainly

POSITIVE

NEGATIVE

Lidl

For years now, Lidl has flown under the radar for making some of the best Christmas adverts. Who can forget the Twins Peak-esque 2021 spot or Lidl Bear who, in one minute, went from accidental celebrity to expert skydiver? This year, they've done it again - minus the bear.

Speaking to a generation that finds Blobfish and Capybara equally cute, Lidl has chosen a raccoon to be its willing protagonist. The adorable pest journeys through a dangerous city, climbing through vents, and sailing on a log across a river. Its goal is to return a toy monkey to a downtrodden little boy. Evoking pathos and drama, Lidl's Christmas advert doesn't only have a winning narrative, but it also contains barely any humans in it... big win.

The tone of this review is mainly

POSITIVE

NEGATIVE

Morrisons

Morrisons' feel-good spot for 2023 is a 60-second epic where the world's most mundane kitchen utensil, the oven mitt, performs a rendition of Starship’s cheesy 80s ballad ‘Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now’. The advert is well-shot and I like that Morrisons understands cooking Christmas dinner is a burden the male-presenting person in the household should bear in 2023.

Morrisons dodged a bullet not preaching in the same way as Tesco last year, but for some reason, it feels the same. Imagine - and most don't have to this year - you're on a tight budget, stressed for time, trying to nail the Christmas dinner to satisfy five minutes of consumption. Then all of a sudden, your inanimate oven gloves start chiming in unison, "And we can build this dream together!!" You'd absolutely give it the frying pan treatment.

So for the sole reason I won't be able to use an oven glove this Christmas without internally combusting, this advert is getting muted.

The tone of this review is mainly

POSITIVE

NEGATIVE

Waitrose

Like Argos, which leant heavily into product placement, the Waitrose Christmas advert doesn't shy away from poking gentle fun at itself. In fact, the advert embodies everything high-brow about Waitrose. From expensive food to a bathtub full of booze, it is exactly the luxurious party which many think a Waitrose customer would be hosting.

A five-second cameo from Graham Norton and a few squeaky-clean jokes make this advert a tolerable contender. However, it might be too much toff to stomach for some.

The tone of this review is mainly

POSITIVE

NEGATIVE

Now list your top 3.

Your nô 3 advert is:

Asda

Lidl

John Lewis

Argos

Sainsbury

Morrisons

Waitrose

Your nô 2 advert is:

Asda

Lidl

John Lewis

Argos

Sainsbury

Morrisons

Waitrose

The best advert is:

Asda

Lidl

John Lewis

Argos

Sainsbury

Morrisons

Waitrose